Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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