I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize