is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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