I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I could fuck to npr.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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