Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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