The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
