i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
