The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
