I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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