I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
