The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
