I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is the high leading the old right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
