My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
