meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize