I hate your face
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
