I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
