I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
