careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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