Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
