Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
