piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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