We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
