Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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