So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
