Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
