true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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