no. you can't hotbox the world.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
