so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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