Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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