I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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