I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
