A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
