What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there was a trapeze. enough said
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dicks are not precious.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
