I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
