Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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