He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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