Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
