U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
