i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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