so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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