He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
