she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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