just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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