You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
