i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
