I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
