You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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