Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
