dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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