her vagine was all disorganized.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
