if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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