Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
