Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
