life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
