Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
