But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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