i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
