her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
