I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
