there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
