So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
