Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
