god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
