Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
