If i come over, it means nothing
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
