Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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