my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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