i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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