cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
