i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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