I'm eating all of the evidence.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
