I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
