why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
how do you play pong handcuffed?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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